The latest news straight from the core of 3BALL Headquarters...

3BALL Unleashes Wave of Mind-Nulling Propaganda

Yourtown, USA. In a brief press conference held on the White House lawn this week, representatives of the Three Bad Ass Living Legends announced a nation-wide media blitz on the American public to better the grip of the dark, icy hand that is 3BALL. Troy Aikman, PR director, esteemed colleague, and peon lackey of the Living Legends, explained the multi-pronged attack on the American mentality by using intricate notebook sketches and sweeping hand gestures. The 3BALL's propaganda agenda includes trendy contests, a disturbing comic book accompanied by a Saturday morning television show and action figures, a mass marketed, subliminal message leaden CD, a toll free collect calling number, public beatings of those who oppose them, and a line of food products by Hormel. While many other commercial corporations have setup "Websites" on the "internet," 3BALL feels that such an action has become a cliché in today's culture. The press conference concluded when Aikman ran off White House property screaming frantically like a little girl, desperately fleeing from a drove of ill tempered security guards with large dogs.

Smoove G Productions To Launch New Aesthetically Pleasing Comic Book and Animated Series

Taipei, Taiwan. The media giant, Smoove G Productions, has converted those lovable ganglords bent on world domination into a dark, violence-orientated comic book line. The 3BALL comic along with animation cells for the corresponding television program due out this fall are reportedly being painstakingly rendered by "wagons upon wagons" of child labor somewhere in Taiwan. Smoove G Productions has "pimped" the FOX Network to broadcast "3BALL: The Animated Series" until 3BALL's worldwide pirate television station, 3BTV, is fully functioning. Both the comic book and the animated series will depict gruesome scenes of gut-wrenching maiming and horrific murdering to draw off people's inherent lust for lunch-spilling gore. Action figures and plush toys are soon to follow.

Beverage Companies Team Up to Give Away Missiles

Somers, NY. This summer, several powerhouse soft drink corporations are combining efforts to give their young loyal followers all sorts of explosive devices. The "3BALL-istic Summer Contest" was kicked off at the beginning of the month by such big names as Shasta, Tab, Diet Rite, Faygo, and 3BALL's own Whoop-Ass Cola. Millions of prizes ranging from M80's to truck loads of fertilizer bomb will be handed out. The grand prize is a 40 ton "3BALL-istic" missile featuring a hip psychedelic paint detail and bitchin' flame decals. The grand prize winner will also receive ownership of a Gulf War mobile missile launcher in which to store the missile and play zany pranks on neighboring states or possibly countries.

New CD Contains Music, Thought-Warping Sermons

Hollywood, CA. Some of the biggest names in white rap have come together to record the first predominantly white rap compilation album,"Slow on the Uptake" from the mysterious Smoove G Productions. Included on the eagerly anticipated record are tracks from such has-beens as Snow, Vanilla Ice, Urban Dance Squad, DC Talk, and that guy who used to play Al on NBC's Quantum Leap. Long time associates 3BALL and Yo Mom$ Million$ also turn in some excellent material documenting youth in the unforgiving streets of the suburban ghettos. This is the first work Yo Mom$ Million$ has had since his early '95 release "Eat Yo Vegatables! Word." and the "Moovin' Zat Boody" single off the album. "Slow on the Uptake" includes Million$' classic suburban anthem, "Fill Ma Forty Wit Kool-Aid." In addition to more quality rap music than you can beat savagely with a scalding hot iron poker, the CD also features hidden subliminal tracks instructing the listener to turn all voluntary control and monetary gains to 3BALL. So far the reviews have been unexpectedly good.

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