NewsFile: 3B5A Declassified Information Boyscout Trapped in Bathroom La Crosse, WI. 3BALL’s own Iowaian component and nature expert, Boyscout was recently held hostage by an area lavatory. Boyscout chose employ the bathroom shortly after feeling the urge to urinate. Upon entering the bathroom, he shut the door securely behind him, unknowingly sealing his fate. When Boyscout attempted to exit the facilities, much to his chagrin, the door was tightly shut. The doorknob was of no use. The very bathroom had turned against him. Odds on Boyscout’s survival were at best slim. The bathroom is roughly 15’ by 8’ and weighs in at around four tons of toilet paper, porcelain, and plumbing. The room has no soul. It feels no compassion or pain. The bathroom had a distinct advantage, indeed. But showing extreme bravery only paralleled by those athletes in Mountain Dew commercials, Boyscout attempted to use his dazzling MacGyver-like skills to defeat the diabolical doorway. By mixing some potassium nitrate scraped from the ceiling tiles along with some Johnson’s Baby Powder found in the medicine cabinet, he fashioned a crude power that would become combustible when combined with a tampon and a quart of Listerine. But alas, the explosion did no good. The bathroom would not be overthrown. Boyscout, even with his resourceful knowledge of useless stuff, was befuddled. At this point, his masculine courage was tossed aside as he whined like a little girl for help. No one noticed until three hours later when a resident needed to enter the sadistic powder room. Boyscout’s pathetic pleas for assistance were recognized. He was eventually rescued from the clutches of the evil chamber by home repair expert, Dave Turk of Vaaler Home Improvement. Boyscout is currently undergoing extensive psychiatric therapy. The room is being held for questioning.