NewsFile: 3B3C Declassified Information 3BALL Launches Bad-Ass Training Campaign Walla Walla, WA. As a long awaited, much overdue community service, 3BALL has installed a Summer Phat Pharm deep in the forests of Washington state to assist America's thought deprived youth. Evasive action was called for when the results from a June '96 Gallop pole confirmed that 94.4% of the United States' population are incompetent, uncultured, or "uncool" moronic drones. Roughly 40% of these people are beyond recovery and will regrettably never be cool. The nation is being combed for the remaining population that are not beyond help, but are at high risk. Crowds of these borderline cases have been involuntarily herded into unmarked semitrailers and shipped directly to the Phat Pharm. Each coolness deprived individual, or "Jackass" as they're referred to at the camp, is fitted with an electric collar used to keep the tenants on the grounds and double as a means of negative reinforcement whenever that individual commits an act which is deemed "not cool" or "whack." An average day at the Phat Pharm consists of a strict military regiment focusing on gangsta terminology, witty banter, and how to avoid looking like a dumbass. Students that manage to pass the two year long stay at the Phat Pharm are allowed to live and are dropped on a baron Northwestern highway, free to go home. If you are interested in getting picked up by the Phat Pharm recruiters, attend a Dungeons and Dragons get-together or a Star Trek convention.